


I spoke to God today

by Azidium



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Dark, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 04:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14253162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azidium/pseuds/Azidium
Summary: ... and she said that she's ashamed.





	I spoke to God today

 

As the darkness pressed in around her, she thought she was dead. The last memory of those two assholes staring down at her, the click of their camera, the flash of the light. Light grew steadily around her, brightening her surroundings of the Dark Room until a loud horn sounded.

Her eyes snapped open. She was in the junkyard hideout as a train passed by, their possessions shaking as the locomotive rushed along its tracks towards its destination. Letting out a sigh, she thought it had been a dream, another memory of another lifetime. She looked around for Chloe, the girl she wanted to see more than anything, but she wasn’t there. Jumping out of her seat by the door she turned to leave and found herself face to face with herself, a sad look in her hazel eyes.

“Hi Rach…” her doppelganger said as she backed into the hideout, afraid of what she was seeing.

“Who are you?” Rachel demanded, glancing over the girls ripped clothes. They were an exact match to her own.

“You may call me Dawn, to make this easier,” the girl answered, sitting in Rachel’s seat.

“I’m… dead, aren’t I?” Rachel asked, knowing there was no other answer. She didn’t have a twin, and with what she remembered last it was the only thing that would fit into her theories.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Dawn answered, indicating that Rachel should take a seat.

“Oh… fuck…” she muttered as she took Chloe’s seat, thinking of the blue-haired girl.

“I’m ashamed, Rachel… you had so many choices, so many options…” Dawn explained, the look of disappointment so easily marked upon Rachel’s face.

“I did the best I could! Always the best!” Rachel argued immediately, not about to listen to her own doubts.

“What about Chloe? The love and loyalty she showed you?” Dawn asked gently, tilting her head to one side. “Did you always do your best for her?”

“I was trying to! I had my own problems,” she retorted, trying to shake the image of Chloe from her mind.

“Problems you created… Frank? Mark? Nathan? Drugs?” Dawn listed off, annoying her further.

“That wasn’t… I never… I had my reasons, I always put Chloe first! When she calls me crying, I make myself available to her. I am always there for her!” she argued strongly, aware of her own doubts and fears.

“Like when you went on a roadtrip with Frank and Chloe called you because David had hit her?” Dawn asked, painfully reminding her of that terrible episode.

“That wasn’t my fault…” Rachel grumbled, shaking her head defiantly.

“How about when she called you because she wanted to see you, when David had locked her out of the house? But you declined the call because you were with Mark?” Another painful reminder of how Rachel had failed Chloe.

“Is this all you’re going to do? Question my choices? I never did anything wrong!” she said again.

They sat in silence for a moment, staring at the other, waiting for one of them to break first. Rachel jumped when she heard distant bangs beyond the hideout walls.

“What was that?” she asked, about to stand up when Dawn shook her head gently.

“The real world carrying on without you,” Dawn answered softly. “You have no idea how much this is going to hurt the one you claim to love.”

“Chloe… she… will find me,” Rachel whispered, thinking of her punk girlfriend arriving at any moment.

“Oh, Rach…” Dawn whispered softly, her hazel eyes felt as though they were boring into Rachel’s very soul. “She gave you everything, all she was… all she could be, and you threw her away.”

“No! I wanted to fix it! I wanted to show her how much she meant to me, I wanted to take her away from…” she started to argue.

“You wanted to take yourself away,” Dawn retorted quickly. “You would take any option available to you instead of being patient. Rachel, you could have had so much more if you were just… patient.”

“I never got anywhere by being patient. Why wait for something? It never just comes to you,” she fought on, determined not to be brought down by her fears or doubts.

“Yet you had Chloe, in your arms, in her bed… she was right there. You had her, why did you need more?” Dawn asked gently, her eyes full of sorrow that Rachel had always hated seeing staring back at her in the mirror.

“I… never had her until last night,” Rachel retorted angrily. “I never… understood it, I wanted to be loved for who I am, not what I was believed to be!”

“But she does love you for who you are,” Dawn explained as they heard barely audible shouts and yells from the junkyard beyond the walls. “Do you think she’d have risked her life if she didn’t love you?”

“That was always for herself, always because she needed somebody to replace Max…” Rachel said defiantly. “I was nothing more than a stand in for Max… which is why I needed to escape! Why I needed to act for me!”

“Rach… she would have followed you through the gates of hell if you had merely asked,” Dawn said, a smile creasing her lips. “You have no idea how ashamed I am, how much you gave away.”

“It’s not my fault!” Rachel shouted as the room started to go dark around them and she felt a sting in the back of her hand.

Her nightmares returned, the look of absolute confidence in Chloe’s eyes as they smiled at one another. The trusting kiss under the streetlight that had felt so pure and right, that she hadn’t understood but wanted more of. Everything she had abused to get her own way, everything she wanted to put right if only she had the chance.

She knelt in the darkness of her fears and let the tears fall down her face, still trying to bury her doubts and fears but well aware of how she’d acted. There was nothing she could do to make it up to Chloe, she would never get the chance to put it right. Her failure was absolute.

“What have I become… what have I done...” she muttered to herself.

“It’s not over…” Dawn said gently, placing a hand on Rachel’s shoulder.

“I can’t put it right… I fucked up… she deserves someone so much better than me,” Rachel sobbed as she tried to look through the darkness around her.

“Look up,” Dawn whispered softly.

When Rachel looked up into the sky she saw the stars once more, the beauty that Chloe had reminded her to look upon. She let out a sigh as some of the stars twinkled above, casting strange rays upon her.

“You want another chance?” Dawn asked as the stars became brighter and the light strengthened.

“Yes,” she answered without thinking, hoping for a moment to once more look upon Chloe’s face, without hiding her emotions like they had done for that one night.

“Then be strong,” Dawn said gently, pulling her to her feet.

“Strong for what? It’s all over,” she whimpered as she leaned against her doppelganger.

“For the beauty yet to come.”


End file.
